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This year signifies a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {